Episode 47: Sex and Intimacy
Have you been feeling like you want to spice things up in your sex life?
To help YOU bring that spark back into your sex life and experience the full-bodied pleasure that you desire, my friend and colleague, Sydney Richdale, has created a FREE online interview series called “PLEASURE YOUR PARTNER”.
She has interviewed me and other top experts in the field of sex, intimacy and relationships, to help YOU create the feelings of deep love, connection, passion, pleasure and fulfillment in your sexual relationships!
The other experts and I will be sharing our expertise, knowledge AND practical tips, tricks and tools to help you experience pleasure in a whole new way!!
All you need to do to get access is to click here and register for your FREE ticket.
Sydney Richdale is a Sex and Relationship coach who helps people create the intimate life they desire! She has a strong drive to help people create deeper connections within themselves and the world around them. It is her mission to support people in experiencing freedom and expansion around their sexuality and pleasure by getting people connected to what they truly desire, and how to find their voice in asking for what they want and need.
She is also a certified reiki practitioner, and loves to connect with people on an energetic level. It is her mission to help people feel the sense of love, connection, and belonging they are looking for in their sexual and intimate relationships.
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Kylie: Hello. Hello ladies and welcome back to the Hormone Hub Podcast and today I am super, super excited to have Sydney Richdale with us. So Sydney [00:01:00] is a sex and relationship coach, and she’s also co host of the Pleasure Your Partner Summit, which is coming up in a few weeks time. So we’ll talk more about that.
But hello Sydney and welcome.
Sydney: Hello. Thank you for having me, Kylie. I’m already having so much fun.
Kylie: Yes. We were having lots of laughs before we hit record, so, yeah. We’ll, we’ll continue that conversation. We thought before we get too carried away, hit record and get into the interview, so Sydney what does a sex and relationship coach do?
Sydney: gosh. Let’s get right into it.
Kylie: Yeah. Oh, tell us a bit about you first, let’s get to know you before we jump into bed with you. You know, tell us, tell us about a bit about you. Let us buy you a drink
Ah, perfect. I like G&Ts.
Kylie: Excellent. .
Sydney: Yeah. Thank you so much for having me.
A little bit of background about [00:02:00] me as I’m a woman in my thirties. I live in Canada. I have two beautiful fur babies, Willow and Farrah, and my background is in social work and I went to school to become a counselor. And then fast forward to now, I just fell into the coaching relationship world. I’ve always wanted to support people, couples around intimacy, sexuality.
And here I am and I’m loving it having, I’m just having, and I’m learning so much, like I really made this a priority in my own life and I just wanna empower. Other women and other people to do the same. I think it’s a really beautiful, sacred part of ourselves that gets to be celebrated. Yeah,
Kylie: yeah, absolutely.
And I think, you know, for a lot of our, our ladies listening, you know, it is sort of a part of themselves I think they put on the back burner quite often. You know, because we’re sort of at a, an [00:03:00] age or stage in life where things are just really busy. So it’s, you know, we might have teenage or young adult children, we, you know, still working.
We’ve got careers. We’re sort of, you know, there’s a lot going on in that space. We’ve got parents who are getting older who have, you know, their needs and their wants from us are changing. So we’ve sort of got all of these things going on and then the thought of, you know, getting dressed up in lingerie and seducing your partner kind of like is the last thing on the to-do list.
And I know some women are sort of totally okay with that and they’ve kind of gone, oh, you know what? That part of my life is done. And then I’ve got others who really mourn the fact that their libido isn’t what it used to be. Or they, you know, they’re just too tired or they’ve lost interest and, you know, so it’s, it’ll be, you know, it’s sort of great to have that conversation about how do we sort of, well, [00:04:00] what are the steps we take to kind of acknowledge that? Because I think it’s important to acknowledge that we are still sexual beings, you know, and whether that’s, whether we’re on our own or whether that’s with a partner, or whether it’s, you know, for some women, it might be with a new partner for the first time in a long time.
So there’s sort of lots of different, you know, it could be with a partner of the same sex for the first time. You know, I’ve heard that in my community a bit lately too. Which is, which is amazing. And I think, you know, just to be open to it is, or open to, you know, any sort of option to, to sort of continue you as a sexual being rather than just going, you know what, I’m just gonna retire her to the draw, put her, put her, put her in the closet and say, say goodnight. That’s done. And I, I think, you know, we’re too young for that.
Sydney: Mm-hmm. . Well, and that’s the thing I love to sort of normalize as sexuality goes all throughout the [00:05:00] lifespan. It doesn’t just stop once you have a child or once you’re married for a certain amount of time, like, the only reason it dies is because we let it.
And sometimes if, if that’s the preference, like that’s okay. Like if, if that’s okay for you and your relationship and your partner’s okay with it too, then I think that’s fine. Yeah. But for the people who are, like you said, grieving and missing that, like, it doesn’t have to end by a certain life milestone or age.
Like we, we just get to nurture it. Just like our health, like, health and healthy sleep and healthy food. Like, it’s just something we also get to nurture.
Kylie: Yeah. Yeah. So for someone who, you know, for the ladies listening who, you know, feel that that’s sort of a part of their life that they’re, they’re not ready to let go of yet, you know, where would you, you know, how do, how do we kick things off?
Like, where do we start when we are so busy and tired and, you know, it’s, it’s not been a priority for us? How [00:06:00] do we sort of like move it forward?
Sydney: Yeah, that’s an awesome question. And I think it starts with just acknowledging that part of yourself because we, like you said, we let it go on the back burner. We repress, or we just kind of don’t take that part, like those needs seriously, but they are really like, there are like intrinsic needs to feel like pleasure and connection.
Like it’s not even just, doesn’t even have to be with a partner, but like acknowledging my own sexuality as a woman, like makes me feel empowered and like yeah, like a queen. You know? Like it really, I think ties into your sense of self-worth and confidence. Yeah. So just acknowledging it that that is a need.
That you want that. And that’s a good thing, . Yeah. Yeah. That’s where I would start.
Kylie: At the end of the day, it is pleasure and it is joy and it [00:07:00] is fun. So it’s, it’s, you know. Yeah. Why do we put it in the back, on the back burner?
Sydney: Why? Well, that’s a good question. I think with sex in long-term relationships, eventually it kind of becomes like a chore, like oh, an expectation where the, like the fun and the flirtiness and the passion, like it sort of fizzles.
And so like I said, just like healthy eating habits, we get to like nurture that and be like, oh, how do I put energy into that again, to kind of like fill up the tank. Yeah. But also like from your perspective and what you support women with, like your body’s changing, so even just having that information and having someone like you to talk to about, okay, this is what’s going on as I’m moving through different parts of my cycle, through different phases, like very well, your body is shifting internally [00:08:00] and you know more about that than I do. But for me, it’s like more about how do you engage the brain because that’s your biggest sexual organ, to feel interested and wanna connect in that way again.
Kylie: Yeah. And do you have some sort of practical ideas for women, you know, wanting to engage and wanting to sort of reignite, you know, that that sex life,
Sydney: that sex life. Yeah, so for me, that’s the fun part where each woman or person listening can just be like, okay, like what is like sexy to me? What makes me feel turned on?
Like, I like to talk about sensuality and sensual pleasure. Like what is visually pleasing to me? What, like, what’s something I can listen to that turns me on? Like, I’ll tell you something funny, Kylie. I, I recorded like a kissing audio for the summit that people can purchase and I was listening to it and I felt turned on cause I was like, it’s just [00:09:00] engaging your brain and like getting those juices flowing.
And I was like, Ooh, this is nice. I really like listening to like an orgasmic meditation or something. Like, it’s just, yeah, finding the different things that really light you up inside that like gets that little sexy seed planted.
Kylie: Yeah. Yeah. And that’s it, it’s, it’s just sort of dropping the idea and I think, and also at the same time, letting go of all the other things that are on the loop in your head and just giving yourself the time and the space to focus on that one thing. So where do people find these orgasmic meditations and kissing audios and things like that.
Sydney: Well, I did on YouTube, look, I just searched it once. I was like orgasmic meditation and there was one on there, it was about 20 minutes.
And I just listened to it and I was like, oh yeah, my body’s responding. Yeah, that [00:10:00] was really, that was cool. And then, yeah, I think if you just get curious, like search on the internet. I’m sure there’s lots out there. But maybe it’s reading a novel.
Kylie: Yeah. Yeah. Without having to go down the pornography sort of path as well, you know, like that’s sort of one area I guess. But yeah, there’s a lot of steps before you need to, to get that far as well, so.
Sydney: Mm-hmm. . And then, yeah, I think, well how
Kylie: would you suggest, you know, for women who sort of feel disconnected with their partner or, you know, there hasn’t been sort of much connection going on in the bedroom for a long time, you know?
How would you suggest women start with that?
Sydney: Yeah, it sort of goes back to. Yeah. Finding what need is missing for you. What, like for a lot of women, myself included, it’s like you’re really looking for that emotional intimacy piece before you feel you can open up physically. So maybe that’s a conversation to breach with your partners.
Like maybe what intimate needs you wanna nurture and work [00:12:00] on and put energy into. And typically like when our heart is feeling full, then we open up to more touch and sensual pleasure and yeah, intimacy. But I think it starts with a conversation and just coming from a place of like, I’m really feeling like I miss connecting with you in this way.
Like what can we do to kind of nurture that or, yeah, just see what their thoughts are around it, just opening up the conversation and then that’s a great place to go from there. Yeah.
Kylie: Yeah, exactly. Exactly. And the, the ladies that I sort of work with, my clients, so I sort of say to them, you know, because libido does come up, that, you know, that’s something that they, they want back or something that they wanna work on, and, you know, they sort of automatically blame their hormones.
I sort of also look at it, you know, going back to that, you know how busy you are, how your energy is, and it may not be that bedtime is the best place, [00:13:00] time and place, you know, for sex and for intimacy because you’re tired by the time you get to bed. You know? So, yeah. You know, can you sort of flip it around, you know, what about mornings or weekends or you know, when you’ve got a bit more time, you’ve got a bit more space, you know, and it’s not like, sort of for my audience, it’s not like we’ve got toddlers knocking on the door wanting breakfast, you know, our kids are teenagers, so we’re not seeing them in the morning. Yeah. So it’s, it’s sort of like rethinking that, you know, if we wanna reignite our sex life and wanna reignite our libido, that it doesn’t have to look like what it did when we, you know, earlier on in our relationship pre-kids because yeah, I think pre-kids and then post kids is, is very different, you know, in terms of time and energy and the way you feel about yourself and, you know, the, a lot of women, you know, are very conscious of their body has changed as well. So, [00:14:00] but you know, I always sort of like flip that and sort of say, well, you know, your partner’s body has also changed, so Yeah, totally.
It’s, you know, and really it’s the person inside. You know, you’re not looking at your partner, you know, going, oh my gosh, he does or doesn’t have a six pack, you know, you know, we don’t think that way and they don’t think that way about us either. So we have all these sort kind of like things going on in our own head.
Whereas when we sort of pair it back, it actually doesn’t, you know, that’s not what our partners think.
Sydney: Mm-hmm. , definitely. Yeah. It’s not crossing their radar. They’re just thrilled to be in that space with you and connecting with you in that way. Yeah. But yeah, that’s something that’s come up with people I’ve talked to is like how they feel about themselves is a big barrier to them wanting to engage in that way.
And yeah, especially with the world we live in, we’re constantly bombarded by, we need to look this way. [00:15:00] You know, it’s just really damaging, I feel like. Yeah,
Kylie: yeah. No, I agree. I agree. And I know, you know, my husband, he’s just happy to be there, he’s not worried about how I look or how he looks or anything like that.
So yeah, he’s happy to be in the moment and I think, you know, I think that’s true for a lot of us is when we let that go, you know, we can relax more and, and enjoy it for sure.
Sydney: Mm-hmm. Yeah. And I, when that comes up, I just suggest like people can do what they want, but I suggest like really just starting to like notice your body and notice the things that you enjoy and like appreciate and feel good about.
And that’s where that sensual pleasure comes in just for you. Like finding what feels really good to you through touch or even I tried this for a while I started to talk to myself in the mirror, which sounds really funny, but it really shifts, [00:16:00] shifted things for me, just how I see myself and, yeah.
Yeah, so that’s something people can try as well if they’re sort of struggling with like how they feel in their own body. Yeah.
Kylie: Yeah. And that’s it. It’s, you know, we’ve, we’ve gotta love ourselves first, to be lovable. Definitely. Definitely. Alright, so talk to me, tell us about, so we’ve got the summit coming up, so the pleasure your partner summit.
So this is kicking off on February 6th and I’m so excited to be a part of that. Would you like to share, you know, a bit more about the summit and what’s coming up and how that’s gonna work? And then some some of the speakers that you’ve got coming
Sydney: on this.
Oh, yes, definitely. Yeah, I’m so honored you’re gonna be on it. I just, I’m so glad I have you to speak about like the hormone piece because that is such a big thing, especially for women. So I’m just so grateful you’re on it. So I’ll just talk a bit about the intention, like what led me to putting [00:17:00] the summit together is my big dream is, we create a world where we talk openly about sex because there’s so much shame that is put on us in from like the earliest age.
And even learning about sex, it’s all like hush hush, like. Asking questions like they kind of skim over it in school. Like, let’s go through this topic as quickly as possible. And I really wanna change that for people because like I said, it’s a beautiful sacred part of ourselves that I think should be celebrated.
Yep. And I just want the conversation to be normalized. So that’s why I put the pleasure your partner event together because I want to open up really sex positive conversations for people to learn and feel like they have someone to talk to, to reach out to how to release some sexual shame and just enjoy pleasure with their partner on a different level.[00:18:00]
So that was my intention of putting it all together. Yeah. Great. Yeah,
Kylie: I love it. And you know, I love that, you know, to open up the conversation cause you’re right, there was so much sort of shame around it. And before we hit record, Sydney and I were sort of talking about, you know, my experience with sort of sexual education at school was, you know, growing up in the eighties, it was all about AIDS and it was all about the Grim Reaper, and we were told literally, you know, my takeaway from that was if I had sex without a condom, I was likely gonna die. And that kind of stuck with me my whole life really and you know, and it’s sort of shocking to me now, like the attitude and just talking to some, you know, women who are, you know, because we do have listeners in our audience who, you know, are, you know, dating again and they’re, they’re back on the dating scene. And, you know, some of my clients were sort of [00:19:00] telling me, you know, how much it has changed and how, like attitudes towards, you know, wearing condoms and attitudes towards, you know, just what the rules are now, has, has changed a lot. And you know, they were sort of not sure particularly, you know, cause these women sort of, you know, in their early fifties had sort of had partners who are now sort of like mid to late thirties and just the, the difference in attitude between, you know, the 50 year old woman who wants a condom on and the 35 year olds going, oh, well you, you, you’re not gonna get pregnant.
She’s like, well, it’s not really about pregnancy, it’s about, you know, all the other things. And you know, this one particular sort of client was sort of saying, you know, and this guy just didn’t get it. And she sort of said, you know, so it was an automatic no for her, but she said she almost gave into that.
And yeah, it was just sort of like a whole other sort of level, I guess, of, you know, her sort of moving or, you know, just changing or embrace, trying to [00:20:00] embrace her sexuality, but then coming up against these, these new sort of barriers that she wasn’t quite prepared for. So, yeah, that’s, that’s interesting.
Sydney: Yeah. Ladies like you do whatever makes you feel the most safe. Like without safety and trust, we, I don’t feel like we can really enjoy intimacy and pleasure. So, and this has come up in my own life, and I’m glad this topic is coming up right now because I get super triggered by men who are like whining about using condoms.
And I’m like, well, You’re not for me then, because that impacts my sense of safety, right? Yeah. Yeah.
Kylie: And that’s it. And it’s not just pregnancy, it’s, you know, no, a whole gamut of, you know, sexually transmitted diseases that come with that. So, yeah. Yeah. So it’s something, you know, we, we often have these conversations around our dinner table at our house,
I’m glad. And, yeah, so [00:21:00] my teenagers are very well versed on, you know, chlamydia and gonorrhea and herpes and warts and, you know, all the things. And I think they will be, I would be very surprised if they decide to not use condoms after our dinner conversations. Mm-hmm. ,
Sydney: Yeah. And I think it’s different as the relationship evolves, you get to know someone.
Maybe you’re committed, then maybe it’s okay to, you know, stop using them. But if you’re dating and ladies stick to your guns, like do not let anyone convince you of anything that you don’t feel comfortable with. Yeah, it’s just not worth it..
Kylie: Hundred percent. Hundred percent. So we sort of digress there a little.
So tell us about some of the other speakers at the summit. Yeah,
Sydney: so like names specifically or just what they’re talking about.
Kylie: The topics would be great.
Sydney: Oh yeah, the topics. So yeah, we’ve got some different people talking about like trauma, how to work through trauma [00:22:00] and really develop like, you know, those skills that help you feel safe to have conversations around it.
We’ve got someone to talk about shame around having an sti , which I feel like is really important. We carry a lot of sexual shame around that. I’ve got people talking about tantra and like just different approaches to sex. Like really slowing down and getting into the body and just getting rid of, you know, the sprint towards having an orgasm, you know, and just kinda just changing the perspective around what sex is, what it means to you, what, like, what you find pleasurable. We’ve got people talking about, I’m trying to think of all the interviews I’ve done. I’ve done so many in the last little while.
Yeah, just different like embodiment, like somatic work, like breath work, how to really tune in and. [00:23:00] Expand pleasure on a, like a sensory level in your body. Yeah, lots around just working through shame and communicating your needs, like discovering what your needs are. Yeah. We’re covering a lot . Yeah.
Kylie: Yeah. No, this is great. And I think, you know for everyone listening, you know, you’ve this is, you know, expanding your sexual relationships and you know, your femininity and, you know, just tapping into, you are not ready to let that libido go, and that you are not ready to let that sensual sexual side of you go.
You know, this is an absolute must registration. And registration is free.
Sydney: Is that right? Mm-hmm. Yes. It’s a free event. It’s great.
Kylie: Mm-hmm. And yeah, we will have all the details for the summit and, you know, we’ll have a bit about Sydney in our show notes, so you’ll be able to, you know, hook in. We’ll make sure everyone gets emailed and it’ll be in our Facebook group.
[00:24:00] So we, I really encourage you to register and I really encourage you to, to tap in because you know, this is not something that we need to put out to pasture anytime soon, ladies. So thank you so much Sydney, for coming along. I cannot wait for the summit and you know, I personally, I can’t wait because I know that I wanna get, you know, something out of it because, yeah, I’m not ready to go put myself out to pasture yet either. Heck no. A lot of living left to do so. . Yeah. Well,
Sydney: it’s been an honor to be here and be introduced to your community. Thank you, Kylie. I just appreciate you so much. Yeah,
Kylie: pleasure. All right, well thank you so much Sydney, and we’ll see you in the summit.